Hi lovely Foggers and Fogglets, how the heck are you all?
Phew, is it really February already? What the...? Is it me or does the passage of time keep gathering speed just as we want to slow it down and stretch it out a bit? I don't know about you, but sometimes it feels like I'm desperately trying to apply the brakes to a runaway train so I can just take in the scenery.
Well, welcome to our very first blog post. If you listened to episode 20 of the Podcast, you'll have heard us talking about stepping off the gas and away from social media a bit in favour of blogging. We'll still be showing up on social but as life got busier and more demanding for us personally, we were finding we were struggling with the pace of things, and had to remind ourselves of a couple of things: 1. We set the pace ourselves. 2. We preach the 'self care' and 'slow down' gospel so we really need to set an example.
So, here we are. Well, here I am, Michele, all on my own this time. It feels odd not having Lou by my side as I'm writing this, but if you know us, you'll know that although we're so similar in so many ways, there are things that make us different too. That's a recipe for a beautiful, long lasting friendship isn't it? Lou is my 'go to' for all things fashion, beauty, creativity and so much more. My passions are natural health, personal development, writing and a touch of woowoo.
We both love books and travel and, of course, we're both passionate about having a physically and emotionally healthy midlife, and we are constantly learning more, so that we can share it with you. We believe in finding things to celebrate about midlife and think we all deserve to have lots of fun and play in our lives too.
You can expect lots of all of this in our future blogs. We will alternate writing these posts to keep it interesting (hopefully) for you.
For my first blog, I wanted to share something with you that I've been practicing with for a few years now but this year, I feel like I'm finally starting to get the hang of it. I'd love to know what you think.
I've always struggled with conventional structure: calendars, time, school curriculum and even seasons. I'm not rebellious, far from it. As a child, I was introverted and quiet and often the outsider, because I found it impossible to fit into the systems and moulds that people wanted me to. For instance, I've always struggled to wake up when it's dark. Darkness saps my energy. Winter is a serious struggle for me. Not in a 'I prefer summer' kind of way, but in a way that has me feeling like I have to drag and kick myself into action and it often feels like I'm wading through quicksand in concrete wellie boots. "Drama queen." I hear you say but honestly, I genuinely believe we all have a 'way' and that when we feel the drag, it's because we're fighting against it. Let me give you an example, in the past, I thought that the antidote to feeling the drag, was to force myself into action. I'd accept invitations to things I didn't really want to go to, set my alarm early and will myself out of bed before the birds. I would plan more, not less and hope it would distract me from my feelings of not having enough energy. Surprise, surprise, it didn't! I just got more exhausted and more resentful and even ill at times.
So, back to my original point. These last few years, I've been experimenting with finding my own pace and my own rhythm and gosh, let me tell you, I've learned so much about myself. I work for myself and so I get that I might have (a bit) more flexibility around how I use my days, but I can also very easily, not ever switch off. I have to create my work, market my business, find work, do the work, get the money in. It's a never ending cycle that could quite easily overwhelm me and drain my time and energy, especially these last few crazy years! All the more reason to play with finding my own pace and rhythm. It's simple self care and self preservation and that's the gospel we preach here in the WTF pulpit.
Last year, I mentioned this to a friend and she recommended the book Wintering by Katherine May. Wow! It was like reading my own thoughts and words. It's funny how knowing someone else feels and thinks the same way, somehow validates your own feelings isn't it? Honestly, it's like the book gave me permission to do what I already kind of knew was the right thing. We never need permission of course, but it's nice to have it isn't it? It sort of spurs us on and it's always nice to know you're not alone with things. Katherine uses 'wintering' as a verb, a behaviour or a practice we can adopt, that's all about slowing things down like nature does in winter, hunkering down, healing, rejuvenating and re energising, even hibernating, and we can do it in any season...all seasons. I think Katherine is my kinda gal. I write a lot, always have, and I'm passionate about the healing power of nature. It's funny how, particularly in the west, we talk about nature as a thing that we are separate from and that we have control over. How wrong we are on both counts. We are just a part of nature and nature is so powerful. It goes at its own pace, does its own thing, doesn't try to be anything it isn't. You never see a tree trying to be a river. I'm always blown away by nature's power to survive, thrive and heal itself. Look at what happened during the recent pandemic lockdowns. Nature took back the planet and showed us its beauty and strength, from dolphins in the canals of Venice to visibility of the great wall of China from the air because the skies were clear, to the increase in wildlife in our back gardens. Is nature trying to teach us something? I think so, but are we listening? I know I haven't been and I've been a rubbish student, arrogant even, thinking I know better and can fight and beat the rhythm of nature. That strategy definitely hasn't worked for me and so I've been playing with exploring my own pace, my own rhythm and with 'wintering'. I like it and it's working way better for me.
Midlife is a crazy, chaotic time. We have SO much going on. We may still have work/jobs/businesses, children we're responsible for and/or ageing relatives to care for. On top of all that, we have menopause and other health challenges. If ever there was a time to listen to nature telling us to slow down and pace ourselves, its now! In times gone by, women our age would have been the sage's of the community, the wise ones. Our only jobs would have been to pass on knowledge to younger women and teach them how to go about things. We would have sat around watching the younger people getting busy doing stuff and we would sit there supervising, musing and philosophising. Sounds bloomin' good to me. If only hey? We live in the west in modern times, things are different BUT, there are some things we can control, some things we can choose and self care, the pace and rhythm we live and work at are definitely on that list. I just think we forget or convince ourselves it's not true. So, how do you fancy joining me in playing with this stuff and we can share our discoveries, challenges and breakthroughs? Here are some little things you can start with.... 1. Keep notes for a few days about times when you feel most energised and times you feel your energy deplete. Just notice, no need to do anything about it at this point. 2. Look at your 'To do' list and be honest with yourself. Are you adding things that are there just to keep you busy? Try to split the list into 'Now' and 'Later'. Resist the desire to get everything done 'now' and be honest about what can wait, a kind of need vs want honesty exercise.
3. Have you got a good balance of what I call 'Have to vs Happy' on your list? For every 'have to' task, try to balance it by adding a 'happy' action, something that makes you feel good. Whether it's stepping outside with a cuppa and breathing fresh air, reading for half an hour, calling a friend or going for a walk. Whatever 'happy' is for you, get it on the list.
I'd love to hear what you think about this and for you to share what you find if you decide to play with it. If you want to find out more about the book I mentioned, here's a great interview with the author that I think you'll enjoy. If you want to the buy the book, can I encourage you to buy from an independent book store? I'm very passionate about keeping them and community libraries going rather than lining the pockets of billionaires who pass on a fraction of the book price to the author. VIDEO: Katherine May talking about Wintering
Have fun with this lovely. Everything should always lead to fun. We deserve it. See you next time. Big love, Michele x P.S. Did you know we offer personal and workplace coaching here at Wot the Fog? If you need some support and guidance through this crazy midlife phase or you would like more awareness and policies in place where you work, we can help. Email us at chat@wotthefog.com OTHER PLACES WE CAN CONNECT Listen to the Podcast Join our Community Facebook Group Support Us by Buying Us a Virtual Coffee
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